Solid flesh can never live up to the bright shadow cast by its absence. Time and distance blur the edges; then suddenly the beloved has arrived, and it's noon with its merciless light, and every spot and pore and wrinkle and bristle stands clear.
from The Blind Assassin
Dear Jen,
Time moves slower than I thought it would, and time moves even slower since I don't know when you'll come next. You might think that the anticipation of your next visit would paralyze me, but not having you at visiting hours is much, much worse.
I should have listened to you more. I remember waiting for you on stone stairs outside your classes. The class would finish and hundred of scholars, your peers, would stampede their way over me. Even though there were people all around, I felt isolated that they, and you, were living in a different world.
I should have read more books you told me to read. That's one good thing about being in here: I have more time to read. I can't really remember the books you told me about except one by Margaret Atwood. I only remember cause you said she was the only good thing to ever come out of Canada. We were in McDonald's when you said that. You were eating an apple pie. I guess I did pay attention...sometimes.
Jen, I'm sorry. Things weren't supposed to be like this. I think about you all the time. This one guy Ken said that, in here, dreams drive you crazy. Like mirages or something like that. But the two times you came to visit were great. They didn't drive me crazy; they kept me going. I remember you kept worrying about your hair or saying you looked like a mess. But you know? I'm a mess too. Even though you don't look as good as you do in my dreams, I'd rather have someone at the bottom of the dungeon with me, even if it's only temporary. I'd pick your rough hands over the smooth fingers of a phantom any day.
Come back soon,
Brian
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