Do You Renounce Satan...

I've never been to a Catholic-church service before. So when I got an invite to a baptism, I didn't really know what to expect.

As I was waiting, I noticed a hinge on the pew in front of me. It looked like a tiny pew, folded into the back of the bench in front of me. With a curious heel, I yanked the hinged appendage out. But unaware of its total length, the mini pew collapsed onto the feet of the lady sitting about 10 feet to my left. Oops. Good thing the service started right after that. I could blend in with the singing.


Some old ladies who looked like life-sized Mrs. Butterworths handed me a small, 6-inch candle. It had black wick from a previous burn, and the white wax puffed on the side like a mixture of teardrops and clouds frozen in time. Before long, the priest made his way down the middle with a giant, lit candle. At first, I thought it would take a million years for everyone’s hand-held candle to ignite, but like a smile in a room with friends, the flame passed quickly from person to person before the songs started.

The songs made me oscillate between alert and fatigue. When the priest did his solos, I started to drift into a daze. But when the congregation joined, the rotund fellow in front of me bellowed sonorous tunes that jolted me to attention. Though he and I didn’t share the same beliefs, he sang with a confidence and faith that was admirable and inspiring.

And when the songs had finished, the priest took out the wine and bread. I wasn’t expecting to take communion, but the priest said, “Today, everyone is welcome.” I had researched a bit on how to receive communion, just in case, and I’m glad I did. And this was the biggest surprise of the evening: the communion wafer. I’m not sure why, but from my ignorance, I always assumed the wafer was some type of cookie. When the priest put the body of Christ in my palm, I was expecting the texture of a stale Oreo with the clean taste of a Milano. It really was just flat, edible Styrofoam. No offense.

I guess ignorance really does make us stupid.

But for all the surprises, all the fakeout cookies, and miniature furniture, nothing was quite as powerful as watching twin, 5-month-old girls get baptized. There are different types of smiles: opening a gift, seeing an old friend, laughing at a joke, but the warmest and most subtle smile must be watching a baptism.