I'll Do It. I'll Hit an Old Man.

What is with the old people in class? You know who I'm talking about: the 55+ student in your undergrad or graduate classes that just won't stop talking. No matter what the subject area, the old guy pounces into action with some useless comment about their own life experiences.

I have news for you geriatric, aspiring student: no one cares.

I've recently gone back to school, and maybe my patience is lower, or maybe I'm just a jerk, but the old guys always respond with, "Well, that's not always true." Then they traipse down some stream-of-consciousness labyrinth talking about their dead wives and their daughters in law; I wouldn't be able to follow their logic even if I had a flashlight and a bag of breadcrumbs.

Half the time, these oldie students come out of their 2-minute anecdotes looking surprised, like how my Grandpa used to look when I woke him from his naps. How'd I get here? What does my comment have to do with teaching pedagogies in secondary education? News flash old man: no one knows.

And unfortunately, the professors are brilliant, but polite; they let the old students go off on their tangents as if it will spark some kind of classroom discussion.

No one should interrupt the lunatic old man feeding the pigeons in the park. That nostaglic sparkle in his eye while he is talking about his favorite dog is priceless, and who is he really hurting by talking about Buster the beagle? The problem with the elderly in the classroom is that they are only about 25% senile: sane enough to type in an add code but crazy enough to make me regret the rising tuition costs.

I don't know how much of them I can handle. Don't get me wrong, I love old people; I just hate it when they hobble into my academic world. It's getting to the point where I'm prepping my knuckles for the backhand. Seriously, my classes cost money, and I want to hear the PhD recipient not the senior citizen.