Friday, July 3, 2009

That's Not Rainbow Chip!

I really hate it when people confuse "Rainbow Chip" frosting and "Funfetti" frosting.

Rainbow Chip frosting is made by Betty Crocker. It's the frosting that already has the round chips harmoniously integrated into the frosting. Funfetti is the Pillsbury frosting that has an unenlightened segregated package of sprinkles that one is expected to manually mix in.




Walking through Target today, I saw this section of Funfetti sniggering at me. "Hey there, chump. Target doesn't carry Whore Crocker's Rainbow Chip." Defending my frosting mother's honor, I knocked out one of Funfetti's front teeth. Who's laughing now, Doughboy?








But there wasn't always this hate between us. I open-mindedly bought a can of Funfetti about four years ago when I was still in college. How bad could it be? While preparing the frosting for my first cake, my knuckles kept dipping into the frosting making my hands sticky. Excuse me Pillsbury, but I don't have extra-long frosting stirring spoons.

And I'm no baker: I didn't know how many sprinkles to put in. My first cake came out like a sprinkle donut: sprinkles crushing the aesthetic. The sprinkles on my second cake were so sparse that it looked like a topping mistake: the lone gummy bear in your mixed nuts at the ice cream parlor.

Some people are particular about their wine, some about their coffee. Me? I'm particular about my pre-packaged, fat-inducing, Betty Crocker cake toppings.

The rainbow chips are softer than than Funfetti sprinkles. It's as if the rainbow chips have somehow absorbed the frosting's poofy essence into their genetic structure. The Funfetti sprinkles are, in texture, too different from the frosting itself. It's like getting a stale raisin in your oatmeal. And that is the beauty of the rainbow chip: it exists in neither the sprinkle realm nor the frosting realm—it exists in the same realm that unicorns and mermaids exist: sweet delight.

12 comments:

  1. I completely agree, thank you for writing this post. I have notified my wife and mother in law that I am not the only one with these strong feelings.

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  2. You have found words to describe that delicious joy that is rainbow chip icing. Down with the doughboy! Long live the rainbow chip!

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  3. I am so relieved to know I'm not the only one who feels this way! Rainbow Chip is so hard to find nowadays!

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  4. The orginal Pillsbury Funfetti frosting had the chips mixed in.

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  5. Most Awesome Post ever!!! Hahaha... Couldn't agree more, such a big difference between the two and that goes for the cake mixes too.

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  6. The person above is right. The original "Funfetti" frosting had the soft multicolor chips in it. Betty Crocker actually made theirs later I think, but I'm not sure. At any rate, the "Rainbow Chip" is clearly superior to today's "Funfetti". Ridiculous. I can put in my own puke-colored sprinkles, thanks. Hey, does anybody know what the rainbow chips are made of? I always assumed it was some approximation of white chocolate, but I can't find this online anywhere.

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  7. I never comment but this topic is close to my heart we hunt for rainbow chip every year for my birthday cake. I loved reading this post my sister and I laughed our butts off thank you to all of you giant weirdos you are truly some of the coolest people on earth! Ill see you all in sugar heaven!:)

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  8. A box of Nilla wafers plus a tub of rainbow chip frosting. A grown man's Dunkaroo.

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  9. I love love love Rainbow Chip, but I have now been to THREE different stores and no one had it! Who carries it now?!

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  10. It's been discontinued. It's tragic and terrible I've been trying to find a suitable alternative or what those rainbow chips actually are so I can make my own.

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  11. You can find it on Ebay!

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  12. Rainbow chip for life!!! It's in the stores again and I convinced my 4 year-old to have it on his birthday cake yesterday ;) Yum!!!

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