If a Hostess Cupcake Was a Woman...

If a Hostess Cupcake was a woman, she would be the financially poor girl you dated during college. She wasn't rich by conventional standards, but her inner sweetness, her inner white purity, attracted you.

The cupcakes you usually ate were the $5 cupcakes from specialty bakeries—circular, curvy, and decadent. The elegant cupcakes wore silky liners, strawberry powdered sugar makeup, and bodices of buttercream frosting.

But not the Hostess Cupcake. You met her in Target while shopping for sale items. She moved in smooth glides like the glazed frosting crowning her chocolate body. And even with her generous proportions and armload of clearance, Hostess products, she entranced you with her wildly spongy skin, dark brown complexion, and her sweet personality.

She didn't wear expensive cupcake liners like the "beautiful" women you usually dated. She was confident leave the house in clear plastic wrap. And when you took her home for the evening, you pulled apart her individually-wrapped dress and slid her out. You inhaled the milky-sweet scent of her dark brown hair, and you gently caressed the unmistakable swirled white frosting that looked like eight cursive "e's" all in a row.

You leaned in a for your first kiss right on the border of the cocoa frosting and the touchable cake. She accepted your advance, and when you pulled away, you saw the pocket of white, sweet personality you'd uncovered. In the blackness of dark chocolate lay a center of creamy-smooth personality.

You leaned in for another taste; dense chocolate and fragrant vanilla lips pressed against yours. She taught you that a cheap cupcake can give a rich kiss.