Ordering a Chipotle Burrito...

is a bad time to woo a woman. After a particularly difficult Friday at work, I decided to treat myself to a Chipotle burrito for dinner. I walked the familiar four blocks to the Mexican Grill only to be surprised by a stunning new employee preparing the food.

I don't usually associate Mexican-food establishments with beautiful women, but, dear reader, believe me, she is beautiful.

It was her eyes; blue is not a color typically found in the metallic chromes and dusty maroons of Chipotle decor. She had enchantingly curly hair that most women pray for with curling irons and $50 bottles of hairspray. And I smelled the hint of white plums over the stench of carnitas fat and steamed tortillas.

I approached her ashamed that I chose to wear a white tank top and basketball shorts from the 1990s.

"Can I have a chicken fajita burrito, please?" She nodded her head and smiled. Her shiny pink lips curled into a crescent smile. She pulled a tortilla from the bag and flipped it into the steamer. She pressed down and waited.

This is my chance. I have 15, maybe 20, seconds to catch her attention.

I asked her, "How's your day going?" You'd be surprised how such a simple question receives such a friendly response from most women. Perhaps the non-sexually aggressive nature of the question is the root of its genius when trying to converse with women.

We chatted while my tortilla steamed. She laughed when I gently made a joke. She responded when I asked her 1st-date questions. Things were going well...

And then the burrito came between us.

"Can I have more sour cream than that?" Why would I ask such a question? All my planned smiles. All my carefully chosen words. All my effort and charm lost on a question that made me look prissy and picky and fat.

"Umm. Sure." She dolloped on another few ounces, but the tone noticeably changed. No more eye contact. No more playful tug-of-war. It may sound ridiculously fickle on her part, but all single people out there will confirm that a wrong word can mean the difference between affection and rejection.

She and I seemed to have a natural rapport. Any other place or time, things would have gone better. I love women. But I love big burritos too. I just wish I knew how to prioritize my desires.

Wallowing in my failure, I saved half my precious big burrito for Saturday night dinner.