Passed!

Loyal readers might be wondering about my exam I took on April 11th. Well...I passed! I owned that test!














I thought I would hear about my test results last Friday, so imagine my consternation when I woke today (Wednesday) still unaware if I had passed my exam. I've been checking my email to an obsessive degree these last few days. Friday was the worst since I didn't have much else to keep me busy.

I felt an intense relief when I found this note in my email:
I am so happy to tell you that you have passed part 2 of the MA exam.

The pure excitement was no doubt due to the fact that I failed this section of the exam last November.

These words stung bad. I'm not going to lie.
I'm sorry to tell you that you did not pass part 2 of the MA comprehensive exam.

So today, the news was direct retribution to last November. I felt like I conquered an insurmountable task. The platitudes from 5 months ago would not be needed today.

But even with this excellent news, today was an overall strange experience. I certainly was happy, even elated, when I read this email. But the feeling was fleeting. After a few hours, the euphoria faded. I only really told my immediate family.

I told my brother first, but he was in the Urology Clinic, so he could only respond to my jubilation with a subdued, "Congratulations." He called me a few hours later, but by that time his shouts and war cries seemed like celebrating a victory 50 years after the battle.

I saw some friends for an unrelated get-together, but I didn't even bother telling them. I might have been slightly less inhibited at the party than usual—I might have been celebrating internally—but my victory seemed so insignificant a mere 10 hours after I received the news. They might have said a "good job" or a "congratulations," but by that point, even I, the person who braved the trials of the exam itself, trivialized the accomplishment. By that point, the celebration with my friends would have been a formality. I thought it best to just stay quiet.

I wonder why the failure stalked me for five months, and the celebration could only stay for a few hours. My relaxation, relief, and pride after the test don't seem to outweigh my worry, preparation, and nervousness prior to the test.

Maybe the weekend will grant me my true respite from those feelings of tension. Maybe I'll treat myself to the Wolverine movie. I think a formal celebration will help me gain some perspective on my personal accomplishment. Will you come celebrate with me, dear reader?

I am happy though. Honestly. I feel gratified. I feel like I belong in the program.