Damn You, Crane Game

I don't understand claw vending machines anymore. We used to be good friends, claw machines and me. My father would take my brother and me to Circus Circus in Reno, and I'd drop my allotted $10 in quarters to grab the neon-bright bears beneath the three-pronged grabber.

But now, the plastic controls of the crane seem antiquated. The amity between us, gone.

New prize-oriented games have adapted to fit the technologically evolving market. There's the electronic stacking block game where players use painfully precise timing to stack electronic blocks up to the prize line. Other machines dangle prizes by threads waiting for the player to guide a tiny razor using twitch muscle control.

And the prizes in these new machines! A Sony PSP. A video iPod. Video games. I even saw one that dangled a Nintendo Wii.

This is not 1992. Crane games that still cost $0.50 per play? Are you kidding? $0.50 to maneuver a rusty claw over a misshapen stuffed animal I wouldn't even give to my dog? Even the cabinets that offer digital-camera prizes cost only a $1.00.

But the most egregious infraction is that the vendors of the claw vending machines still pack the hideous prizes in immutable formations. How can I pull out my deformed Magneto when there are seven giant bunnies entangled in his feet?

It's not about the prizes with me; it's about the fun. But downing money into an old-school game machine when there is virtually no hope of winning is just annoying.

Dear Crane Games: get with the damn program and make your lame toys easier to drop down the prize chute. This is your last chance or it's over.