If Count Chocula Was a Woman...

If Count Chocula was a woman, she would be your summer-camp girlfriend. You saw her every year, at the exact same time of year, throughout your adolescence. Count Chocula wanted to bite your neck, and your camp sweetie wanted to give you a hickey on your neck.

Count Chocula cereal can be found year-round, but the Count is most available at one particular time of the year, just like your summer-camp girlfriend. No matter what cereals were in your pantry, no matter what girls you were interested in, when that time of the year rolled around, Count Chocula and the summer-camp girlfriend trumped all others.

When the right time of year did finally come around, the passion bloomed. When the first pallet was unloaded at Target, when she stepped off the bus into your arms, you wondered how you ever lived without her. Her chocolaty hair. Her sweet marshmallow lips.

You spent your entire time together. All other girls left your mind. All other cereals staled in their half-eaten bags. You spent so much time together, you almost got sick of her...almost.

But you remembered your passion was ephemeral. Buying 25 boxes of Chocula was as futile as keeping a picture of her on your desk through the other three seasons. Your love bloomed only in that one particular time; attempting to love out-of-season never worked.

After Halloween and summer camp ended, all you could do is slowly drink the brown milk left behind, gently touch the browning hickey on your neck, and sweetly savor the seasonal memories gone until next year.