If Frosted Flakes Were a Woman...

If Frosted Flakes were a woman, she would be the redhead girlfriend you dated in college who happened to be a really fabulous baker. Without the safety net of the dorm food, you relied on her for free desserts.

The hypnotizing blue box, like the beautiful azure eyes of your sweetheart, called out to you. The bright orange tiger? her flowing orange locks waving in the wind. She was a beauty, and that girl could bake!

She made you spongy cupcakes and tangy lemon bars, gooey brownies and warm apple pies. But like Frosted Flakes, she made you obese. Like your belle's delicious baked goods, Frosted Flakes has high sugar content with little nutritional balance.

And she always gave you the delectable leftovers of her heavenly goodies, just like the wonderful sugary-syrupy residue Frosted Flakes leaves in your milk when you're done eating the cereal. Even after your redhead girlfriend left your apartment, even after you finished the last bite of your cereal, the other half of the cake and the cereal run-off lingered like a saccharine refrain, singing honeyed words of temptation to gain weight.

You're fat because you loved your girlfriend's baking. You're fat because you love Sugar Frosted Flakes. And you're fat because you were too busy thinking "They're Grrrreat" to stop eating either one.