I'm Driving. Calm Down.

It's my sweetheart's birthday today, and I decided to get her a balloon. A big one. There's something about balloons that encapsulate the joy of a celebration. Balloons may deflate, but there is something charming about a half-floating balloon, dancing in the apartment air currents and corners.

Safeway just wouldn't do; Safeway balloons are for your cousin's baby shower. No, sweetheart balloons are the most romantic when purchased from garish party stores. When the display balloons have four-digit ID numbers, then you've got the right store.

The only problem with fancy balloons? They are too big in the back seat of the car. It's like carpooling with some floating children whose overactive ribbon fingertips tickle your face. You put your car in reverse, and their faces block the rear window. And when you reach in back to calm them down, you dislocate your shoulder and turn the wheel too soon scraping your left headlight on a BMW fender. For so much fun, balloons are quite dangerous.

It was worth it though. She smiled at her funny balloon. And when we came home from dinner, giant Mylar Hello Kitty, floating aimlessly, greeted me with an ethereal curtsy.