Please Leave My Classroom, Mr. Bird

With the mildewy winter making my classroom smell like feet, I decided to open my classroom's back door inviting in some crisp sunshine. But my open invitation was accepted by a party crasher: a swallow.

Now, I've seen wild birds indoors before. Costco often has a pigeons eating hotdog scraps, and I've even seen a duck in a Walmart. But reader, I was unprepared for a fast-flying, panicked swallow in the middle of my composition lecture.

And of course, my usually reserved students went berserk. A few girls ran out of the room blatantly violating the hall-pass policy. Some boys climbed on their seats in celebration. Most of the students, however, ran around the room in a chaotic and tomfoolerish effort to corner the helpless bird. One of my multi-lingual students shouted "I eat him!" but I think he was trying to say, "I want to keep him!" At least I hope so.

But the bird was, of course, a bird. Flying from corner to corner like an acrobat and flagpole to top of whiteboard like a gymnast, the students' rampage probably caused more harm to each other than the visitor.

It's strange that seagulls on the soccer field are a nuisance, and pigeons around the lunch tables are invisible. Put one bird in a classroom, and it's pandemonium. I'll have to admit, when the bird did, what I interpreted was, a pecking dive bomb at my head, I screamed. But it was a very manish scream.

So, even I, the teacher, liaison of learning, got caught up in the bird escapades. Eventually with some shouting and my thin vocabulary textbook flexing as I made shooing motions, I calmed my students and helped our unruly visitor leave my classroom.

Despite the bird taking class time, there was no real lesson in the event. It was simply mayhem at its best. Unpredictable and wonderful. The kind of event no words could capture, but we try.

I would have taken a picture. But with the screaming, injuries, pushing, shoving, and birds...I didn't have time. It was a great day.